The Crime Hump Chronicles: Hot Date

The Crime Hump Chronicles: Hot Date
Posted on June 30, 2017 | Kelley Denham | Written on June 30, 2017
Letter type:
Blog Post



Author's Note:

Author's Note:

This is part eleven of The Crime Hump Chronicles, the creative non-fiction narrative of quantum events. More info, including a list of my charges can be found here,

I get there at 9am. It’s not nearly as busy as it would be if it were a Monday. Maybe I’ll be out of here quick. I see the usual faces, court staff and officers. One court officer now has a handlebar mustache. It looks ridiculous but I can’t help staring. I’m in courtroom two. In front of me, the handlebar mustache officer is talking to the court recorder about metal roofing options. Behind me some people are talking about their charges and how grateful they were that they didn’t text someone’s phone. It’s two different worlds, behind and in front of the wooden divider that separates the lawyers and judges from the rest of the public.

When the Judge arrives, they begin. They start with a sentencing hearing. It’s another DUI. The Judge reads out the details of the case and trial. It takes nearly an hour to get through it. Counsel for the defence raises an objection near the end. Something about informing the Crown that he would have to prove the record. Some case law is quoted, then the Judge calls for a recess.

Now it’s 10am. I go for a smoke and stretch my legs. I get back to the courtroom around 10:15am. I spend the next 45 minutes looking aimlessly around. Shortly before 11am, the Crown turns and tells me he will try to speak to my matter as soon as possible. I wonder if he reads my blog. He has that look like, “please don’t write about how well I twerk, again.” I know from my disclosure that the complainant has sent many of my blog posts to the Crown.

Now it’s 11am. The Judge walks in and starts to summarize the previous case again. The matter ends up being stayed till later that day. Now they go on to adjournments and judicial pre-trials.

It’s just after noon. I’m still listening to all these cases. They all involve drugs or alcohol. I do find the legal process interesting and am a keen observer. When I was in college, we had an assignment to observe a court proceeding. I did mine in this very same courtroom. I keep thinking back to that, making similar observations in my head. Now it’s 12:15pm. The Crown brings my matter up. He says he has had many meetings with my lawyer over the past week. He says everything is set and ready for the trial. The Judge addresses me. She says my next court appearance will be Aug 8, 2017, for the beginning of my trial. I thank the Judge and go on my way. I finally have my date with justice, and we are going all the way.

Kelley Denham 

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Irony, satire and farce - these are a few of my favorite things.