The Crime Hump Chronicles: A Stayed Affair

The Crime Hump Chronicles: A Stayed Affair
Posted on January 29, 2017 | Kelley Denham | Written on January 29, 2017
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Author's Note:

Author's Note:

The following is part two of the Crime Hump Chronicles, read part one at

Jan. 27, 2017


It’s kind of like a church, that’s found itself on the wrong side of the tracks. The lighting is dim and the people look grievous. Except it’s a converted office space, in an old, dirty strip mall, above a bowling alley. It resembles a bodega and I doubt the deals made here will be on the up and up, so to speak. The waiting area reminds me of a cheap laundromat. Everything here is old and worn, doesn’t look like it was meant to be here. This is court in small town Ontario.

I’m on a bench in a crowded room, waiting for my justice to arrive. I get a call. It’s my lawyer, the man I knew little about. He says he is in a meeting with the Crown’s inquisitor who I remembered to be a small and shabby man, who looked out of his depth despite his imposing title. My lawyer says he will be with me soon. He tells me to anticipate the show to start around 11:00am. A familiar face walks in. We’ve been in some of the same news papers. I know they’ve been here before. I want to say something but with a docket full of pre-trials and sentencing, sadly I know why they’re here.

There is a door at the end of the room and a strange window in the wall. Inexplicably, I’m drawn. What was once a one-way mirror, is now a foggy window. Disorientating, if you didn’t know where you were. That room is secured and I see court staff coming in and out. I see Detective Constable Rodcocker’s head poke out. It was hard and hot as usual. He was in a suit and tie this time, eagerly looking for the DNA samples that were conditions of sentencing. I assume he is taking the samples.


My lawyer arrives. He tells me that the Crown’s inquisitor agrees that the evidence does not match the charges. He tells me what they may offer. If it is anything but the withdrawal of all charges, I won’t agree. My lawyer tells me that trial will cost between $25-$50,000 and that I don’t have to make any decisions today. At first, the suggestion makes me angry. Now, I kind of think it’s funny. I don’t agree to the suggestion. I tell him about a series of things, that tell a different story.


My matter is called to court. My lawyer has me wait outside the court room. About 20 minutes later, he returns to the waiting room area. He immediately asks me for the series of things I had told him were pertinent to the case. He has a very different tone, erupting in questions. He tells me the matter has been stayed over until Feb. 20.

So, the criminal matter of Denham vs. Stampy the Elephant will resume Feb. 20, 2017. As things stand now, trial seems inevitable and we are at the very beginning of what is sure to be an outrageous and shocking story about complacency, disregard and incompetence. To help and learn more, please visit  

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space-coyote's picture

Irony, satire and farce - these are a few of my favorite things.